Run Guy, Run!
by Professor Snaglefoompus
Summary: Guy Dangerous travels to a remote temple in South America, in search of the golden monkey idol. Little does he know what lies in store for him...
1. Chapter 1

It is a little-known fact that Guy Dangerous was not always an expert runner. In fact, when he was in high school...

_"Jones, Rio, and Cassadine," said a paunchy man in a blue Killer Apes tracksuit. He looked up from his clipboard, to face the group of students in track uniforms. "Congratulations to everyone who made it, and thanks to all for trying out. Now hit the showers."_

_The crowd of students dispersed with much chatter, but a small orange-haired boy stayed behind. "Um, Coach?" he said. "You didn't call my name."_

_The coach looked down at the teenager and sighed. "That's because you didn't make the cut," he said._

_The boy threw his hands out in frustration. "But I've been practicing for months!" he exclaimed. "And I'm a senior now! This is the last chance I have to run track!"_

_"I'm sorry, Guy, but you're not good enough," the coach said. "Out of everyone who tried out, you were the slowest."_

_"That's because I keep a steady pace!" Guy Dangerous said. "I could run for hours! Days! Years!"_

_"That's fantastic, if you're running a marathon," the coach said. "But unfortunately for you, we don't need marathon runners. We need sprinters."_

_"But Coach—"_

_"The decision is final, Guy. Sorry, but maybe you should just stick with your archeology studies." _

"I should have made the team," Guy muttered to himself.

"Are you even _listening _to me?" Scarlet asked angrily, slamming her hands on Guy's desk.

Guy Dangerous shook his head to wake himself out of his memories of the past. "Sorry about that. I was remembering one of my more painful memories from my high school days."

"Oh?" Scarlet asked.

"Yeah, our team was called the Killer Apes," Guy said. He ran a hand through his unruly hair. "When you mentioned Demon Monkey Island, it reminded me of that."

"You spaced out, just because I mentioned Demon Monkey Island? The demon monkeys are just a silly legend, designed to scare away strangers," Scarlet said.

"Let me guess, anyone who dares to enter the temple will be attacked by the monkeys."

"Close," Scarlet said. "I took a picture of an old poem we found, written on the temple's front gate." She pulled the photograph out of her pocket and began to read:

_He who takes the Golden Monkey Idol  
Without permission shall be forever cursed,  
Spending the rest of his days fleeing and fearing  
In a never ending chase._

"For a poem, it doesn't rhyme," Guy Dangerous quipped. "What's the Golden Monkey Idol?"

"It rhymes in the original language," Scarlet said. "And we're not sure what the idol is. I'm guessing it's valuable, if it's made out of gold."

"Hmph," Guy Dangerous said. "Someone made up the demon monkey legend, in order to protect the idol. Of course it's valuable."

"But why monkeys?" Scarlet wondered. "They're not native to that part of the world."

"It makes sense to me," Guy said. "You have demon monkeys, to protect the monkey idol. How far away is this temple, again?"

"It's a ten hour plane ride to South America," Scarlet said, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "Then you have a two-hour trek through the jungle, in the jankiest car I've ever rented. Then you jump into a canoe and paddle your way downstream, through the most swamplike part of the rainforest. There's no map, so I'm not entirely sure if we can find our way back."

Guy Dangerous smiled. "Baby, I live for danger."


	2. Chapter 2

Guy Dangerous wiped the swamp-slime off of his forehead. "Okay, this trip isn't as fun as I thought it would be," he admitted.

"You thought it would be _fun?_" Scarlet asked. "Were you not paying attention when I told you how horrible it would be?"

"I thought you were exaggerating," Guy said. "After all, whoever heard of a swamp in the middle of the rainforest?"

"This isn't your typical rainforest," Scarlet said.

"Good thing I'm not your typical archeologist," Guy Dangerous said. "I'm not scared of killer swamps and demon monkeys."

Guy tipped his hat backwards, in an attempt to look cool. The hat blew off of his head and landed in the water, fifty feet away. The water near the hat stirred, as three alligators burst through the surface. They all attacked the hat at once, with extreme ferocity.

"Are you afraid of _them?_" Scarlet asked.

"A little," Guy said. "Let's keep paddling."

Guy shook his head, as he paddled away as quickly as he could, while still looking macho. _Alligators? Seriously?_

* * *

Guy and Scarlet stood looking up at the great teeth descending down from the mouth of the entrance to the temple. Moss and tree roots grew everywhere, just proving how infrequently people visited Demon Monkey Island.

"So this is the temple gate," Guy said. "I don't think a ladder would work here. The gate's too big to climb over."

"Nobody on the team could figure out how to get past it," Scarlet said. "That's why we asked you to help us. Remember what you did in Egypt?"

Guy nodded. He had been the first person in thousands of years to get inside that particular pyramid. It was the highlight of his archaeology career, even though the success had been mostly dumb luck.

"Let's see if I can work my magic again," Guy said. He ran his hand along the letters that were carved into the gate. "Do these words have any clues?"

"They're mostly warnings about the demon monkey curse," Scarlet said. She pointed to a circular hole near the side of the gate. "The others figured that this is the keyhole, but we don't have a key."

"Hmmm..." Guy said, examining the hole. It was just large enough for him to put his hand inside. Feeling around with his fingers, Guy was unable to discover any smaller holes or springs. All he could feel was a tiny protrusion that he could wrap his fingers around.

"Did you try forcing the door open?" Guy asked.

"All of us pushed at once, but it didn't work," Scarlet said.

Guy stood up straight and ran a hand through his unruly orange hair. Flashing a smile, he asked, "Did you try _pulling_ it open?"

"What are you—?" Scarlet gasped as the gate gave a large crunch and slowly opened.

"It's not a keyhole," Guy said. "It's a handle."

Scarlet paused for a moment.

"...Never tell anyone about this, and I'll pay you double," she said.

"Deal," Guy agreed. "Now let's check out this temple."


	3. Chapter 3

The temple was not too far away from the gate. It took less than a minute for Guy and Scarlet to walk there.

"Be careful, Guy," Scarlet said. "There could be traps."

"I doubt that any traps here are still in working condition," Guy said. "It's a miracle the rickety wooden bridges here are still standing."

Together, the two of them went inside the temple. From the entrance, there was a short hallway that led to a large open room. Scarlet began photographing the walls, which were covered with strange writing.

Guy examined the large room. It looked like it was designed to hold many people, standing in rows. On the far side of the room, there was a raised platform, with seven large monkey statues along the back edge. In the middle was a pillar with a shiny treasure on top.

"Scarlet!" Guy said. "I think we found our monkey idol."

Scarlet hopped onto the raised platform and examined the golden monkey idol from various angles. It looked brand new, compared to everything else in the abandoned temple. She picked it up for a closer look.

The platform started shaking, and the pillar lowered into the ground. With a sound like thunder, the monkey statues came to life. An unseen breeze rippled through their rough black fur, as they started moving their bodies.

"The demon monkeys!" Scarlet cried. "They're real!"

"Scarlet!" Guy shouted.

The monkeys' skull-shaped heads looked directly at Scarlet. Slowly, they began to move towards her. She jumped off the platform, trying to escape, but it was no use. Her back was to the wall, and the monkeys were closing in.

"Scarlet!" Guy shouted again. He wanted to help her, but he didn't have any weapons.

"CATCH!" Scarlet shouted. She threw the monkey idol across the room, towards Guy Dangerous.

That was the distraction Scarlet needed. The demon monkeys instantly forgot about her and turned towards the idol. Moving quickly, Guy picked the idol off of the ground and ran towards the exit of the temple. The demon monkeys followed, in close pursuit.


	4. Chapter 4

Guy ran out of the mouth of the temple, with seven demon monkeys chasing after him. He could hear their screeches of anger, and he knew if he stopped for even a moment, they would attack him.

Guy ran. He ran and ran and ran.

Fortunately, the pathway was made of relatively smooth stone. All he had to do was run forward and...

TURN!

Guy made a quick turn left, as the pathway changed directions at a ninety degree angle. Before Guy could catch his breath, the path turned to the right, then back to the left again.

The demon monkeys were close behind Guy. He could only see three of them at this point. Fortunately, they weren't gaining on him. They were constantly several feet behind.

_Can I outrun them?_ Guy wondered. _I didn't make the track team, and...HOLE!_

Guy could see a hole in the pathway ahead. Without slowing down, Guy jumped over the gap and landed with a roll. He let out a deep breath, just in time to see the demon monkeys easily make the same jump.

"NO!" Guy shouted. He got up and continued running down the path. He ran and ran and ran, but the monkeys were always close behind him.


	5. Chapter 5

Guy could have sworn he heard drums, as he ran along the stone pathway. The sides of the pathway jutted upwards slightly, preventing him from falling off.

_Can't let those monkeys get me_, Guy thought. He tucked the golden monkey idol into the pack attached to his belt. _This is the weirdest—what's that?_

Ahead of him was a floating yellow square. Guy didn't have enough time to dodge, so he ran directly into it. With a small cling, the square shrunk and landed in Guy's pack.

_Is that...a coin?_ Guy wondered. He saw more of them, up ahead. An entire row of coins was on the left side of the path. Guy moved left to pick up all of them.

_At least I'm getting compensated for risking my life_, Guy thought. He turned his head around and saw that the demon monkeys were still chasing him. Guy turned his head back forward, just in time to trip over a tree root.

"Augh!" Guy said, as he momentarily lost his footing. The demon monkeys gained on him, jumping forward a few feet. Guy put on extra speed to distance himself from them, and he saw another root in front of him.

The root was sticking out, from a tree on the left. Guy leaned to the right, to avoid it. He went back to the middle of the path, where he collected more coins.

_Simple enough_, he thought. _Lean left and right to collect coins, or to dodge roots._

Up ahead, the pathway disappeared completely. Without enough time to figure out a plan, Guy jumped off the end of the stones and hoped for the best.


	6. Chapter 6

Guy landed on a wooden pathway, several feet below the stone path. Without pausing for a moment, Guy continued running.

The wooden pathway was rather decayed, and he had to jump over several gaps. The path kept turning left and right, and once, Guy had to turn left and immediately jump.

_This isn't so bad,_ he thought. _Just don't fall off the path, and I'll be safe. No—WAAAUGH!_

Up ahead, there were two poles. A silver stone connected the two of them, and three skulls decorated the top of it. Guy instinctively slid underneath the contraption.

_That was WAY too close_, Guy thought. The next time he saw one of the devices, he jumped over it. He jumped over the one following that. The next device was somehow shooting fire. Guy didn't have time to wonder how a centuries-old fire device was still in perfect working condition, so he slid under it and hoped for the best.

It was around that time Guy realized he wasn't getting tired. He had been running for at least two minutes now, and he wasn't winded in the slightest. If anything, his running had become slightly faster, instead of slightly slower. He suspected this was part of the demon monkey curse.

As an experiment, Guy purposely tripped over the next tree root. He stumbled a bit, and the monkeys got closer, but he was perfectly fine.

_That should have broken my ankle_, Guy thought. _Maybe I am cursed to keep running forever._

As time went on, the coins turned red, and then they turned blue. Nothing else seemed to change, though, as the maze of pathways continued through the swamp.

Guy, of course, had completely lost track of where he was at this point. It was almost like the paths were randomly generated.

Guy tried another experiment. He made four right-hand turns in a row. Instead of ending up back on the same pathway, he ended up on a new path. He frowned grimly.

_These paths don't end. I'm truly stuck on a never-ending chase._

Little did Guy Dangerous know that he had yet to discover one of the main parts of the temple run: boosters.


	7. Chapter 7

Guy ran. He ran and ran and ran. In the air ahead of him was a red thing. Figuring it was a coin, Guy jumped to get it.

He soon realized it was _not_ a coin. It was a rocket booster. When he touched it, he went flying forward, 500 meters. Guy screamed as he felt his body blast along the track, but when he landed, he was perfectly fine.

"What was that?" Guy yelled at no one. "Rockets? In an ancient temple?"

Guy soon found another booster. He reached onto this one with one hand. As it blasted him forward, he gave his legs a much-needed rest. When the rocket disappeared, he landed back on the path and kept running.

_That's kind of useful,_ Guy decided. He found other powerups, such as a large coin and a large magnet which attracted coins for a limited amount of time before it went dead.

Guy waited for a long stretch in the path, then turned around and threw the dead magnet at the demon monkeys. They easily dodged it.

_Ha!_ Guy thought. _Maybe I can use these magnets to knock the monkeys off the platforms! Then I'll walk—not run—back to the temple, and—_

Guy's distraction proved to be his downfall, as the path was not as long as he thought. The path turned left, but he did not. Guy tripped over the edge of the platform and tumbled headfirst into the swamp.

He landed on top of a hippopotamus. Guy had no idea why there was a hippopotamus, in a swamp in the South American rainforest. The hippo did not seem to enjoy having a human on its back, so it started swimming away.

Guy jumped to a nearby tree. Fortunately, all the tree roots in this area were huge. He climbed on top of a large one and sighed with relief as he rested for a while. He cast a glance towards the pathway, where the demon monkeys were jumping around and screeching.

_Probably angry that I beat their little game,_ Guy thought. _Too bad there's no way to contact Scarlet from here. I could—_

An alligator lunged out of the water, snapping its jaws at Guy Dangerous. He was too high up for the alligator to reach, but it frightened him nonetheless. He climbed up higher in the tree, then grabbed some coins out of his pack. He threw them at the demon monkeys to distract them, then jumped back onto the platform.

The demon monkeys batted the coins away and ran straight at Guy. The chase was on again.


	8. Chapter 8

Guy ran. He ran and ran and ran. At one point, he felt like he got 250 coins for liking Temple Run on Facebook, but he wasn't sure.

_How long have I been running?_ Guy wondered. It felt like a lifetime. He ran and jumped and turned and jumped and slide, hundreds of times.

That was when Guy came across the fourth type of powerup: invisibility. It was a green picture of a person's body, with lines missing. Guy grabbed it, and he was shocked to find that he could now walk over all gaps in the path.

_I...I can float now?_ He wondered.

It took two more turns with the invisibility powerup, before Guy caught a glimpse of his hand and realized what it meant.

_I'm invisible!_ He thought. _I can't see myself anymore! That's why pits don't work anymore!_

Guy wasn't sure how invisibility prevented someone from falling down a pit, but there was no time to worry about that now. He had a plan.

The next time Guy saw an invisibility powerup ahead, he tripped on purpose. The demon monkeys got so close, he could hear their teeth rattling about in their ugly skulls. Guy then jumped up and grabbed the invisibility powerup.

While he was temporarily invisible, Guy stopped running. The demon monkeys attacked him immediately, but none of the attacks had an effect. Guy turned around and began running in the other direction, back towards the temple.

Fortunately, he was able to put some distance between himself and the demon monkeys before the invisibility wore off. When it did, Guy yelled, "Yahoo!"

"No more running away from the temple!" he said. "Hold on, Scarlet! I'm coming back for you!"


	9. Chapter 9

Guy ran back towards the temple. He figured he had been running for an hour, before he turned around, so it would take another hour to return to the temple.

Guy sighed with relief, as he started running more slowly, the closer he got to the temple. He was still running like a maniac, with his arms swinging everywhere, but he appreciated the fact that he was getting closer to his goal.

When he was about halfway back to the temple, by his estimate, he found a nasty surprise waiting for him: the four demon monkeys that exited the temple with him, but who didn't chase him.

_This is bad_, Guy thought, as he was trapped between two groups of demon monkeys. He made a quick turn to the left, and soon, all seven monkeys were chasing him.

The next time Guy found a rocket powerup, he held up his hand and turned it around, instead of grabbing onto it. The rocket fired directly at the demon monkeys, knocking some of them over. They got back up, uninjured, but Guy took delight in the fact that temporarily stopped them.

_I hope Scarlet is still at the temple,_ Guy thought. _It's been hours at this point, though._

After two and a half hours of nonstop running, Guy could see the temple in the distance. He ran towards it, but the path turned away. Guy groaned and tried turning back to the temple, but the path turned into gray stones and forced him to slide under several trees.

Slowly, Guy made his way back to the temple along the winding, changing path. At long last, he was able to see the temple entrance. It was shaped like a giant monkey head, with its mouth open wide. A glistening purple shield covered the entire entrance.

With no other choice, Guy ran straight into the shield. It wasn't solid, so he passed through easily. He wondered if it was some sort of magical barrier, when his body returned to normal. He immediately collapsed on the ground in exhaustion.

Amazingly, Scarlet Fox was still there. She ran to Guy and tried to help him sit up. "Guy, you're alive! What happened to the demon monkeys? Do you still have—?"

Scarlet gasped, as she saw the demon monkeys running straight towards the temple entrance. She grabbed Guy and tried to drag him away, but she didn't get more than a few feet before the demon monkeys ran inside.

The instant their bodies touched the magical barrier, they turned back into statues. The seven demon monkey statues fell on the ground, one of them breaking into pieces.

Scarlet's jaw dropped. "What _happened_ out there, Guy?" she asked. "I thought you were dead for sure!"

Guy cracked a weak smile. "Baby, I live for danger," he said.


	10. Chapter 10

Guy's body was completely exhausted. He said that he'd been running for hours, even though Scarlet told him it had only been about ten minutes. She didn't understand most of what he said—about rockets and alligators and missing pathways—but she didn't care. She took him back to their ramshackle camp, so he could recuperate.

The next day, Guy was feeling better, although he was still worn out. He pulled out the monkey idol and showed it to Scarlet.

"Looks like our job is done," he said. "I got the monkey idol, and you got the pictures of the temple."

"And thanks to my GPS, the world now has a map to the temple," Scarlet said. "Let's just hope we can find a museum that'll pay enough to cover our trip here."

Guy reached into his pouch and pulled out a handful of coins. "Are you kidding?" he asked. "I got about 60,000 of these things. I'll never have to worry about money again."

"When did you have time to—never mind," Scarlet said. "I don't think I want to know what happened."

Guy and Scarlet made it home safely. The monkey idol was purchased by the Smithsonian Museum, at a decent price. Guy sold most of his coins to museums around the world, for a great profit. Scarlet continued her work in ancient languages, and she didn't contact Guy again, until she finished decoding some texts about a monkey temple in the sky.

Guy wrote an article about his adventures, which ended with him getting a book contract, a movie deal and a videogame adaptation. The videogame was a humongous hit, and it made so much money that Guy was able to retire immediately.

Guy Dangerous never made the track team, but he became the most famous runner in the world, through his videogame. Tiny virtual copies of him had spend years, running over all the various phones and tablets in the world. Reflecting on these experiences, Guy only had three words to say.

"I hate running."


End file.
